Is he struggling, sorrowful, or ashamed?.Listen to your son’s attitude as he talks about his thoughts on his sexual attractions. God loves us unconditionally, but He also cares deeply about what we do, what we say, and how we view ourselves. There is deep healing in receiving love and affirmation from you.”Īt the same time, remind your son that loving unconditionally doesn’t mean loving without concern - or that you’ll always agree with him. Let him know you care - whatever he struggles with. Author Jeff Johnston says, “One of the deepest questions in the human heart is this: If you know the worst about me, will you still love me? Affirm your child in your unconditional love for him. Assure him of your loveĪssure him of your love - your continuing, unconditional love. We want to know what you’re going through, and we’ll be there for you no matter what. As the conversation moves forward, use first-person words – I and we – instead of you-based language, which can easily be heard as controlling, directive, blaming, shaming, scolding, or self-righteous. In the process, stay unified as a couple as you address the situation it’s important to demonstrate that the two of you are on the same page. Make every effort to connect with him at the heart level. Maintain a godly influence in his life.Maintain your relationship with your son.If he agrees, keep your focus on two overarching goals: When you feel ready, ask your son if he’d be willing to sit down and talk with you and your spouse about the way he sees himself and this news. Can we take some time to consider what you’ve told us before talking more? And to be honest, it’s thrown us into a tailspin. But we’ve just heard about it for the first time. This is obviously something you’ve been thinking about for a while.
Affirm your sonĪt the earliest stage, it might be good to let your son know about the wide range of emotions you’re feeling.
It can also correct any attitudes, language, or assumptions that might miss the mark of Christian love – or that simply aren’t yet informed on this complex topic. Honest questioning can confirm and solidify your beliefs. The titles listed below are a great starting point.
Turn to well-informed sources who follow the full counsel of Scripture (the character of God and the larger picture of the whole Bible). That’s OK! Reviewing your convictions is a smart step as you think about what the Lord is asking of you.ĭon’t be afraid to dig into research in the light of God’s truth and with the help of caring Christian friends. You might even feel that you need to question or re-examine your own beliefs about homosexuality. The reality is that you’re shaken by your son’s revelation.
( Call us if you’d like help to find a trained marriage therapist.) Also, make sure you and your spouse are on the same page. Care for your own heartīefore moving ahead, surround yourself with support - a pastor, a licensed counselor, a mentor, or a small group of understanding friends. Do your part to interact well and reflect Christ’s character, and let that be what guides your approach. Agree with him that you’ll both do your best to stay away from hurtful attitudes and actions going forward. As with all interpersonal interactions, you can only control your choices and behavior, not the other individual’s. Ask for forgiveness and the chance to start over. So, how should you respond to what your son told you? Respectfully and in as cool-headed and non-reactive a way possible.īut don’t panic if you and your son have already had a blow-up with each other. Talk to extended family and younger siblings.
You’re wise to ask for input about how to handle things, and we’ll cover several thoughts here: The emotions you’re experiencing are understandable reactions of a concerned and loving parent. Before we say anything else, know that our hearts go out to you in the pain and confusion of hearing your teen son tell you that he’s gay.